waking up cold: alright I need more blankies
waking up hot: covers thrown everywhere. sweat behind the kneecaps. 3 dead. the pillow is the sun. critical condition.
i don’t understand why people don’t instantly respond to “what would your dream superpower be” with the ability to manipulate probability.
think about it. what’s the chance someone will drop 1mil in front of me? 0%? let’s make that 100%. what’s the probability i’ll wake up tomorrow and be X gender? 100%. what’s the probability my bathtub is filled with mac and cheese? 100%.
This is genius
my granddad just called me to tell me how big his cauliflowers are growing and it was so cute theyre “TWICE as big as the ones you get in the shop”
i told my granddad this post has 3,500 notes and he said ‘who are they? do i know them?’ he wanted me to list everyone and see if he knew anyone
What the fuck
I admit, I am an asshole. But I got a nice booty and my hair soft so I feel like I deserve the best like ????
my talents include being able to sit on the toilet for 30 minutes being distracted by my phone
i frigging. LOVE my hair being touched sooo SO much and it never happens but oh ym god if you massage my head and play with my hair i will literally start purring like a cat
this is my favorite post
thicc boy: 🍆